If you can’t deal with my sarcasm. I can’t deal with being your friend. 

(Source: verticulars, via humorking)

9:58 AM • Sunday • 144,616 notes
Posted 22 hours ago, with 61,307 notes
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Instead of calling girls thirsty, we should call them D Hydrated.

The future is now

(via crakhouse)

3:28 PM • Friday • 148,910 notes




im 17 and i dont have a period yet is this weird

allan you have a penis


(via humorking)

11:49 AM • Friday • 108,421 notes
parents: honey, it's time for the sex talk
me: what do you wanna know

10:43 AM • Friday • 420,554 notes


LETS GET HIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!grades

(via unshaped)

10:45 AM • Thursday • 128,725 notes

if i ever got sentenced to house arrest i’d just laugh at the judge

(Source: hunterandrewpence, via humorking)

10:22 AM • Thursday • 518,832 notes


getting drunk is just a way of stealing happiness from tomorrow

(Source: burntlashes, via moistbottom)

10:19 AM • Thursday • 14,564 notes
Posted 3 days ago, with 41,524 notes
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the number of times i think “i don’t care” while people are talking to me is really getting out of hand

(Source: mycroft, via humorking)

10:18 AM • Thursday • 720,824 notes


eating clocks is really time consuming

(via lubricates)

12:32 AM • Thursday • 639,541 notes


the amount of pictures I would take if I had a hot body is unimaginable 

(Source: hi, via plunged)

12:30 AM • Thursday • 391,744 notes